Digital Answering Machines

something funny to put for my answering machine haha lol

when people call me back they ask me if i herd their messages when i dont have an answering machine?

Just would like to know if I need to contact my local telephone company to hook it up? Thanks for everyone who answers.
to Doug-I liked your answer. LOL! HA HA! that was cute.
Just never bought an answering machine before. this will be my first time.

ok i use an online computerized voice and say:

Hello. Jacks answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak slowly and I will put your message on a magnet. Thank you

Any other funny ones

In Neon Genesis Evangelion, when Ryoji Kaji died, he has a message for Misato Katsuragi in the answering machine… what exactly did he say???

My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. This is not an answering machine — this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.

Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right … real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll get back to you.
Star if you like

Any recommendations or experiences with a good answering machine with combination of clear sound and long record capacity? links to pics or where to buy are also appreciated.
Brand and model number are helpful too. Apparently yahoo answerers have quite a few volunteer messeges for my future machine lol

even though I clearly say, "you have reached Ann" on my answering machine people keep leaving messages for Janita, Veronica, Jessica, yo mamma… why?!! can I curse on my outgoing message or is there some censorship law against that?
anyone I know would understand why that was my message.

ive had my new cellphone for a month now and i cant think of what to do with my answering machine. i want a message that can be a little funny, but not cheesy or immature.. so basically i like ‘short and sweet.’ i was thinking of maybe having my toddler sister say something at the end or in the middle, something like "thank you for calling," or just "bye!".. if you have any ideas for an original message or something cute my little sister could say in the message, let me know!!! thanks!

I happen to like it. But my answering machine on my cell is:

"Hello, you have reached Megan Thackery Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are paranoid…I will trace your call and come find you. If you are depressed, hit any button you wish but no one will care enough to answer. And if you have low self esteem…I am to busy to talk to someone as ugly as you! Have a nice day! And dont forget to smile!"

All of my freinds love it. They call me and yell at me for picking up the phone because they wanted to listen to it…But I am not sure…do you think some people will find it offensive???