I am 42 and dating a 43 yr old single/never married man. He dated a woman & was engaged. The relationship ended 7 YEARS AGO due to her infidelity. I just found out the reason his answering machine always says "memory full" when I call (and am unable to leave a msg) ….he has msgs saved from her. Said they are "reminders" of her lying to him. He won’t delete them. Is this a dealbreaker. My best friend says tell him to deal with his past & not call me until he can let go of her. HELP!
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
He hasn’t moved on….keep looking. If she comes back, he will drop you in a second.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
..damn.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
I think your best friend is right. 7 year old message…why would you want that kind of memory always flashing at you? I think he might need to see a professional and let him know that he really needs to let go or you will.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
That’s to weird!!
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
Wow – he is NOT over her, and is still clinging to the past. He is no good for you – you will always be compared to/measured by her. Is that what you want? If he hasn’t gotten over this chick in 7 years, there isn’t anything you can do to help him – cut your losses, and get out of there.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
He can’t have a future with you, or anybody, until he lets go of the past.
I could almost see if it had been just a year ago, but seven!?!
That’s just obsessive!
I would think that you are better off leaving this guy with his machine and finding someone else.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
Hello!!!he is still hung up on that and will continue to place all women in that realm!!!such a shame other women make it harder for the next woman!!!!super weird are you sure he ready to be with you!!!????
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
OMG! Stay away from him! That is a Big RED flag for you!
Keep looking…..
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
I think you should sit down and talk about his ex because it seems like he hasn’t let go and 7 years is a long time. I think you should tell him it’s okay to be sad and not let go sometimes but you will have to overcome them. If you are looking for a steady relationship he has got to put you first and not messages that are 7 years long. Just keep in mind that everyone deals with stuff differently.
If nothing happens and he is still keeping them I personally would end the relationship and stay friends but that’s up to you.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
Not a deal breaker, sheeesh, some women are shallow.
But it is a tad weird… my sister does the same thing with her ex boyfriend and I think it’s weird,,, most likely your man friend still misses the old girl and doesn’t want to delete the messages because of it…. I wouldn’t worry too much.
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
Gee, sometimes it’s hard to be human.
Your boyfriend is only human love and evidently having a difficult time of it.
If you really love him, then understand that.
help him out by suggesting that he save the messages by putting away the old answering machine and replacing it with a new one. Or buying new phones, whatever may be the case. In time, he will remove himself further from the past by not having the messages so readily available to him.
He is having a very real love affair with the past. this doesn’t make him a bad person and it doesn’t make him a bad person for you either, but his (and yours) quality of life is being greatly diminished by not living in the present moment. If he refuses to comply with your very polite request to place the past quietly away but still available to him, then you must leave him. You deserve someone who is willing to give to you right now also and consider your needs.
I wish you the very best!
August 28th, 2010 on 1:57 pm
i agree with your friend to be honest, he needs to let go of hispast before starting a relationship with you, my mum has the problem with her bf that if she says anythin against his ex wife he goes mad and i dont understand why shes still with him after 3 years as he needs to let go of the past and stop dwelling on it otherwise it will affect the future